the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
