Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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