soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
