My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
