Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my liver is dry heaving
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
