i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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