Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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