Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
