she woke up with a sticky ear
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
