do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
