Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
