my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
