Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
