Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
