Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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