Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
