fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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