I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm like, not good at living.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
