I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
