I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
