I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
