Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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