On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
