we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
