Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
