i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
