It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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