yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
