When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
