looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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