I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
