Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
