so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
