it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
