i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
