he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
