Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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