Where did you get a picture of my penis
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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