i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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