we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
