before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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