Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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