toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
