I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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