About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
