i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
