how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
