after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have already put on my inside pants.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
