Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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