i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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